Blog
01.April 2005 - 00:00
The dizzying wonder of falling in love
The dizzying wonder of falling in love
This summer our family's youngest will be confirmed. The mere thought that it's high time I realised we may no longer be a family with children around, makes this mother nostalgic.
Time has gone unbelievably fast. It seems only recently that at the age of two our youngest yelled at communion: "I too want coffee!" At the age of three in a Helsinki church he noticed the simple altar cross and was delighted: "Daddy, there's a sword on the wall! When he was four, church bored him and he began to plan how to embarrass his parents so that they would quickly get up and leave: "I will burp and not say sorry! I will cough and not put hand on mouth", he threatened in Helsinki Cathedral's gallery.
Church art inspired the children to role-play. On the way to church the parts were always shared among the sisters: "I'll be Jesus, you be Mary, Reeta's an angel." The church plays continued at home. We heard many a stirring sermon, one would sing the liturgy and the other two had the task of falling asleep on the church bench.
The children' theology was a fresh re-interpretation of faith. The creeds were recited brilliantly, although Jesus "was sieved by the Holy Spirit and sat at the Father's bright side". Six-year old Raakel came up with a most charming theological definition when answering her little brother's question about God being omnipotent: "It means that if it wants its own Uncle Fedja-book, it'll get it. If it wants its own desk, it'll get it. It'll get whatever it wants." I said nothing and just wrote it all down, for I didn't have the heart to intervene. I thought there would be time to return to the subject in the years ahead.
And now it's time. We have to teach our offspring that God can get anything, except that which he himself has given away. He has given freedom to us and our children and he won't take it back. We are free to turn away from him, to distance ourselves, to cool off and become unfeeling and even impervious to him. The beauty of love springs from its very voluntariness. God doesn't force his company on us. He invites. As C.S. Lewis has said, in the end there are only two kinds of people: those who say to God, "may your will be done." And those to whom God is having to say, "all right then, have it your way".
As a mother, I can only hope and pray that my youngsters hear God's call and understand it. A sentence in the Song of Songs, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires", is good advice to Christian parents of teenagers. The Bible passage speaks of course about lovers and their relationship and warns others not to interfere with it. But it is also a warning against spiritual violence. It's good in warning a mother and a father to be careful in turning faith into a duty, and an inheritance that has to be carried with honour. That's giving them a burden.
In the 70's it was customary to say that the bride in the Song of Songs is the church and the bridegroom is Jesus. This maybe so but what a pity we took a shortcut into theological interpretation without perceiving that the text is a dizzying love story. We lacked the courage to read it as a description of falling in love. And unless we understand the human side of the text the spiritual side is left incomplete.
Perhaps the early church included this passionate love relationship in the Bible's canon just because only the mystery of falling in love does justice to the mystery of faith. Why does one person believe and another doesn't see anything in it? There is no answer, any more than to the question of why we fall in love. Even if we knew a thousand ways of describing how adorable our beloved is, even that could never explain the wonder of falling in love.
Column in Finnish Christian magazine Askel
The dizzying wonder of falling in love
This summer our family's youngest will be confirmed. The mere thought that it's high time I realised we may no longer be a family with children around, makes this mother nostalgic.
Time has gone unbelievably fast. It seems only recently that at the age of two our youngest yelled at communion: "I too want coffee!" At the age of three in a Helsinki church he noticed the simple altar cross and was delighted: "Daddy, there's a sword on the wall! When he was four, church bored him and he began to plan how to embarrass his parents so that they would quickly get up and leave: "I will burp and not say sorry! I will cough and not put hand on mouth", he threatened in Helsinki Cathedral's gallery.
Church art inspired the children to role-play. On the way to church the parts were always shared among the sisters: "I'll be Jesus, you be Mary, Reeta's an angel." The church plays continued at home. We heard many a stirring sermon, one would sing the liturgy and the other two had the task of falling asleep on the church bench.
The children' theology was a fresh re-interpretation of faith. The creeds were recited brilliantly, although Jesus "was sieved by the Holy Spirit and sat at the Father's bright side". Six-year old Raakel came up with a most charming theological definition when answering her little brother's question about God being omnipotent: "It means that if it wants its own Uncle Fedja-book, it'll get it. If it wants its own desk, it'll get it. It'll get whatever it wants." I said nothing and just wrote it all down, for I didn't have the heart to intervene. I thought there would be time to return to the subject in the years ahead.
And now it's time. We have to teach our offspring that God can get anything, except that which he himself has given away. He has given freedom to us and our children and he won't take it back. We are free to turn away from him, to distance ourselves, to cool off and become unfeeling and even impervious to him. The beauty of love springs from its very voluntariness. God doesn't force his company on us. He invites. As C.S. Lewis has said, in the end there are only two kinds of people: those who say to God, "may your will be done." And those to whom God is having to say, "all right then, have it your way".
As a mother, I can only hope and pray that my youngsters hear God's call and understand it. A sentence in the Song of Songs, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires", is good advice to Christian parents of teenagers. The Bible passage speaks of course about lovers and their relationship and warns others not to interfere with it. But it is also a warning against spiritual violence. It's good in warning a mother and a father to be careful in turning faith into a duty, and an inheritance that has to be carried with honour. That's giving them a burden.
In the 70's it was customary to say that the bride in the Song of Songs is the church and the bridegroom is Jesus. This maybe so but what a pity we took a shortcut into theological interpretation without perceiving that the text is a dizzying love story. We lacked the courage to read it as a description of falling in love. And unless we understand the human side of the text the spiritual side is left incomplete.
Perhaps the early church included this passionate love relationship in the Bible's canon just because only the mystery of falling in love does justice to the mystery of faith. Why does one person believe and another doesn't see anything in it? There is no answer, any more than to the question of why we fall in love. Even if we knew a thousand ways of describing how adorable our beloved is, even that could never explain the wonder of falling in love.
Column in Finnish Christian magazine Askel