Seksuaalisesta häirinnästä

”Madam Korhola, minun mielestäni meidän pitäisi viettää yö yhdessä”, töksäytti italialainen meppikollegani muutama vuosi sitten, kun olimme syömässä ja keskustelemassa hänen mietinnöstään, joka oli työn alla.

”Minun mielestäni ei”, vastasin, ”olen aivan liian naimisissa tehdäkseni mitään tuollaista.”

”No mutta minähän olen vielä enemmän naimisissa (even more married than you are)”, tuo katolilainen vastasi.

”Ai, niinpä taidat ollakin, peräti kolmatta kertaa aviossa. Voisiko se muuten liittyä jotenkin tähän”, kysyin.

”Avioliitto on minulle tärkeä. Mutta yhtä tärkeää on vain olla rehellinen tunteilleen, silloin ihminen tekee oikein. Tartu hetkeen ja ole vilpitön”, mies perusteli elämänfilosofiaansa.

”Jaa. Kannattaa katsoa myös hetkien yli ja olla johdonmukainen”, kommentoin.

Keskustelumme palasi taas mutkattomasti mietinnön aiheeseen, mies oli saanut sujuvat pakit mutta tyytyi mukisematta tilanteeseen. Muistan repliikit sanatarkasti koska kirjoitin ne tuoreeltaan ylös, dialogi oli sen verran jäntevää.

Jälkeenpäin ajatellen olin aivan ilmeisesti seksuaalisen häirinnän kohde – suomalaisen keskusteun valossa – , mutta totta puhuen en juurikaan ajatellut sitä tuolloin. Ehdotus oli aivan liian mutkaton, jotta tilanteesta olisi tajunnut ahdistua. Oli helppo sanoa ei, suoraan kysymykseen saattoi antaa suoran vastauksen. Lisäksi asiaan saattoi vaikuttaa, että hän oli italialainen. Joskus ei voi välttää ajatusta, että italialaiset miehet ehdottelevat jo virkansa puolesta”', pitääkseen yllä italialaisen rakastajan mainetta – heitä ei aina osaa ottaa tosissaan. Emme palanneet koskaan aiheeseen, enkä koskaan tuntenut oloani kiusaantuneeksi valiokunnassa hänet nähdessäni.

Ei pidä käsittää väärin. Olen tarvittaessa ärhäkkä alli, joka ei epäröi pamauttaa mänttiä mapilla tai nöyryyttää tökeröiden ehdotusten tekijää perusteellisesti. Seksuaalisia ehdotuksia ei kenenkään tarvitse kuunnella. Ja tulen suorastaan vihaiseksi kun ajattelen, millaisia törkeyksiä nuoret ja vähän vanhemmatkin naiset joutuvat nykyään kuulemaan: typeriä puheita runkkumateriaalista ja muuta vastaavaa alatyylistä.

Miksi en ahdistunut? Mutkattomuuden lisäksi kai siksi, että tilanne oli tasavertainen, vailla toisen yli meneviä valtasuhteita. Hän ei ollut pomoni, hän ei edes jakanut raportteja ryhmälle, hänellä ei yksinkertaisesti ollut mitään sanomista minun elämääni. Aiemmassa työelämässä olen ollut toisenkinlaisessa tilanteessa. Hyvin ahdistavaa on torjua ihminen, jolla on valta päättää työpaikkani jatkuvuudesta.

Kun nyt seuraan sivusta keskustelua väitetystä seksuaalisesta ahdistelusta eduskunnassa, tuntuu kuin keskustelua käytäisiin osittain aiheen vierestä. Korostan, etten ota ollenkaan kantaa siihen mitä on tapahtunut, siitä en tiedä mitään. Ja toki paheksun, jos kansakunnan kaapin päällä ei hallita hyviä tapoja. Nyt otan kantaa vain julkisuudessa käytyyn keskusteluun. Se on synnyttänyt kiusaantuneen olon.

Minulle ei ole käynyt selväksi, oliko kohutussa kyselyssä selkeästi määritelty sitä, mitä tutkittiin. Tarkennettiinko, mikä on seksuaalista häirintää ja mikä ei? Vai lähtikö kysely liikkeelle siitä, että oletko kokenut jotakin sellaista, jota pidät seksuaalisena häirintänä. Silloin aika paljon jää tulkinnan varaan, joka tehdään yksittäisten ihmisten korvien välissä. Eriteltiinkö, kuinka paljon oli kyse valtasuhteista: pomon yrityksestä käyttää asemaansa hyväkseen? Tai vähintäänkin pomon ajattelemattomuudesta, jos ei ymmärrä tilanteen kiusallisuutta alaisen kannalta. Sukupuoli ei silloin ratkaise, valta sen sijaan kyllä.

Hyväksyn sen, että jokaisella on oma tulkintansa ja kokemusmaailmansa, ja aiheesta voi keskustella, kuinka eri lailla me ihmiset maailman koemme. Minä en järkyttynyt italialaisesta kollegasta, mutta ymmärrän että joku toinen olisi jo saattanut kaivata työpaikkapsykologin apua. (Oma pintani kai koveni, kun aikoinaan kävin muutaman vuoden poikakoulua.) Mutta sitä en enää ymmärrä, jos eduskunnassa tehdyn kyselyn lähtökohta perustuu vapaaseen assosiointiin ja anonymiteettiin, mutta loppuvaiheessa aletaan huutaa syytettyjen nimiä esiin. Anonymiteetti pitäisi säilyttää koko prosessin ajan, tai sitten pitää kutsua esiin myös vastaajat määritelmineen – jotta sosiaalista lynkkausta ei tapahtuisi. Nyt vain kunkin ihmisen mielikuvitus on rajana, kun pohditaan mitä oikein on tapahtunut.

Liitän julkisuudessa käydyn keskustelun samaan epäreilujen ilmiöiden ketjuun, jota yhteiskunnassamme on muutenkin tasa-arvokysymyksissä: ns. historiallisesti sorretulla on eri pelisäännöt kuin ns. sortajalla. Naista ei saa esineellistää mutta naisen suorittamaan esineellistämiseen suhtaudutaan mediassa huumorilla ja hyväksyen. Täällä pelataan sukupuolten kesken aivan eri pelisäännöillä. Kirjoitin aiheesta Vihreään Lankaan kolumnin He haisevat jo 13 vuotta sitten – mutta vieläkään heiluri ei ole mielestäni heilahtanut korjaavaan asentoon.

Kerron esimerkin: Muutama vuosi sitten seisoimme europarlamentissa joillakin cocktail-kutsuilla ja eräs suomalainen mieslobbari huomasi korkokenkäni ja sanoi niistä ääneen muutaman ylistävän kommentin. En ymmärtänyt panna sitä pahakseni, päinvastoin on hauskaa jos lobbareilla riittää leijupetikattiloiden, jätteenpolton, kattilakorroosion ja kaukolämmön tekniikan lisäksi huomiokykyä myös tyyliseikoille. Vieressä seisova naispuolinen suomalaiskollegani reagoi kuitenkin ärhäkästi: mitäs seksuaalista häirintää tämä on? Luulin oikopäätä, että hän laskee leikkiä, mutta niin ei ilmeisesti sittenkään ollut.

Ratkaisevaa oli tulkinta kuulijan päässä, Samat kehut olivat toisen mielestä kohteliaisuutta, toisen mielestä häirintää. Onko tässä siis rikos, jossa kohteen tulkinta ratkaisee?

Jos nyt siis olisin mies ja etenkin eduskunnassa, olisin aika hermona. Uskaltaako enää kehua tyyliä, uskaltaako edes avata ovea vai tulkitaanko sekin vihjeeksi sepaluksen avaamisesta? Mitä kivaa ja kohteliasta enää voi leideille sanoa, kun ovat uhanneet nitistää jo munatkin. Jos sanon suoraan, paitsi ahdistavalta, tuo uhkailu kuulostaa korviini lähestulkoon seksuaaliselta häirinnältä – väkivallalla uhkailulta ainakin.

Siksi toivoisin, että seksuaalinen häirintä määriteltäisiin ensin kunnolla ennen kuin julkisuudessa lynkataan yhtään enempää ihmisiä. Jos tuossa kyselyssä ei sitä määrittelyä ole selkeästi tehty ennakkoon, olen kiusattu pitämään sitä arvottomana. Jollei keskustelu tästä tarkennu ja älyllisty, menetämme paljon kaunistakin sukupuolten väliltä: kohteliaisuutta ja kivaa huomaamista, joka antaa iloa arkeen.

Palaan italialaiseen: ei se ollut häirintää. Huono ehdotus vain.

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